


Don't Follow

by YukiRiikus_Reading_Room



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst Dean Winchester, Angst and Feels, Death References, Depression, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Guardian Angels, Hearing Voices, Love, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-12
Updated: 2013-01-12
Packaged: 2017-11-25 04:46:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/635265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YukiRiikus_Reading_Room/pseuds/YukiRiikus_Reading_Room
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean just can't do it anymore, not know that Sammy's gone and there's no one to stop him - or is there?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Follow

Dean had never really considered himself a suicidal person, but looking at his brother’s dead body in his arms, he changed his mind.

He knew Bobby was worried about him, worried he’d follow in his father’s footsteps and do something stupid out of grief.  He considered it.  But he knew Sam would never forgive him, and the last thing he wanted was to disappoint his little brother.

No, he had a better plan.

Sitting in the Impala, Dean lovingly stroked the steering wheel as he struggled to steady himself.  He’d been strong for so long, now he just had to be strong for a few more minutes.  Pulling the Colt out of his coat he pulled the hammer back.  He was tired.  He was sick of fighting to save a world he felt he had no place in.  And now he felt like he’d lost his main purpose.  How could he protect what he’d let die?

“Looks like this time I’m coming to you Sammy.”  He whispered to the empty passenger seat, one hand fingering the amulet at his neck his brother had given him so many years before. 

_Don’t you DARE pull that trigger.  Put the gun down Dean._

Dean swallowed, lowering the gun slightly.  He looked around him, checked the back seat even, but didn’t see anyone anywhere near him or his car.  But he’d heard the voice so clearly, almost like someone was sitting next to him, watching him, talking to him.

“You’re losing it dude.  Keep calm,” Dean chastised himself, raising the gun to his head again. 

_I said NO. Put the gun down, now!  Don’t follow Sam, Dean.  Don’t follow._

Dean lowered the gun again, unnerved.  Shaking his head he looked back at the shack where his brother laid dead, tears obscuring his vision.  His father would kick his ass, even as a spirit, if he found out he’d just given up on Sam.  Putting the gun away he turned on the car, driving for the nearest crossroads.

The deal was struck, Sam was alive again. 

Dean never mentioned his flirt with suicide.  Sam and Bobby were already worried enough with his gifted last year to live from the Crossroads Demon in return for Sam’s life.  After a while, he even forgot about the voice.

And then he heard it again.

At first he thought he had to be mistaken.  Surely there wasn’t enough kismet in the universe to wrap everything up so tidily that he’d actually end up finding the person whose disembodied voice saved his life.

Finally, unable to deal with the nagging questions, the doubt, Dean found an excuse to ditch Sam at the motel and drag his supposed savior on the road with him, alone. 

“Why have you been staring at me like that all day Dean?”  Castiel asked from the back seat as Dean pulled the Impala into a secluded parking lot and turned the car off.  When Dean turned to look at him, something in Cas’s face shifted.  “You finally put it all together didn’t you?”

“It was you who stopped me from killing myself when Sam died, wasn’t it?”  Dean asked bluntly, swallowing when the angel nodded, leaning hid face up between the seats.  “Why?”

“I’d been tasked with watching over you for a while.  I wasn’t supposed to interfere, but…”  Cas cut off, looking away.  There was something telling in his voice, something Dean recognized but wasn’t sure he believed, not without some kind of proof.  “I’d grown fond of you, especially how much you cared about your brother.  When I saw you preparing to… I found myself caring about you against my better judgment, against my orders.  I had to at least try to stop you.”

 “Thank you,” Dean said quietly, resting his hand on top of Cas’s.  The angel looked down at their hands as he interlocked their fingers, a small smile gracing his face.  When he looked up, there were tears in Dean’s eyes.  “You really are my guardian angel, aren’t you?”

“Strictly speaking…”

“I meant it as a metaphor.”  Dean cut him off, laughing even as he wiped away his tears.  Clambering into the back seat, Dean grasped the angel’s face in his hands, kissing him before he could protest.  Cas hesitated for a moment before pressing back against him as Dean covered his body with his, his lips parting under Dean’s insistent tongue.  After a few more long kisses Dean pulled back, resting his head on Cas’s shoulder.  “I’m glad you came into my life Cas.”

“Is that how you thank people?”  Cas asked, confused.  Dean pulled back slightly to look into his face, suddenly worried he’d gone too far.  Then Cas was raising his hands, burring them in his hair.  “If so, I think I should save you more often.” 


End file.
